He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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