When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
