so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
