Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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