So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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