I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
