I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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