ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
