the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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