Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
