Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Duck Duck Cougar?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
