Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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