Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I love you.
Bad choice
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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