the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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