Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
