i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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