I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
