Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
