I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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