when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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