guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
