I want to make a zoo with you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
