The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
