Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Randomize
