Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
