Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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