Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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