saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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