I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
