hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
