Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
