I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
