I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
