well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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