I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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