Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
