So gin and wine won't be happening again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Randomize
