So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
