So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
