dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
from now on my penis is your penis
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
