I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
