my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I am one with the molecules
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize