I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
