Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sobbing to NWA
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
