Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
