I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize