i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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