My hand turned me down
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
