the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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