i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
