He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do vagina's smell?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
