hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
