Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
