I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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