forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
