I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize