I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
