kristin has been a bad kristin
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
