apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
