Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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