I'm so fucking centered right now
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
